Gift or Burden?

I thank you God
for all good gifts:
for life, for health for food.
But I have just
a few complaints;
was hoping that you would
listen to me
vent for a few
I'm in that kind of mood.


I really hate
just being me;
would like it if you could
make me into
one like others
It really would be good.
I'm too unique
and too damaged
and feel misunderstood.


My brain is not
like most people's,
doesn't work like it should.
I have no idea
from what I should eschew.
What should I say
or what to do
so that I seem less crude?
I want to fit
with social norms,
want to be less like wood.


I have no place
here as it is
I feel like I intrude.
Why did you make
someone like me;
a mistake, I conclude.
Tired of trying
to be like them
I think I came unglued.


I just want out
Please let me go.
I don't want to delude
myself anymore.
Or bother those
who think I am rude.
If you won't do that,
can you help me
accept myself as good?

Monday Night

I'm afraid of what the night will bring.
I'm terrified of what he'll say.
I so want this man's respect,
more than I care to admit.
His approval means everything
and I'm scared he'll say, "Go away"
and that he will reject
me and see me as unfit.


I'm scared he won't even look at me,
indeed admit I'm even there.
To be treated as unreal
would afflict me to the core.
Just to have him look over and see
me as a person,  be aware
I'm there would make me feel
that I am someone worth more.


It is sad to say I'm in this place
desperate for him to like me;
that I can't stand on my own,
accepting what he discerns.
I need to reach within and embrace
all the things that make me unique,
trust the need to stand alone
so that self-respect returns.